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A hero, my hero, saved my life.
It is surprising how easy it is to get to the top of a highrise. I was standing on the edge of the roof of the building in which I lived, ready, willing, and happy to jump.
I had planned my great escape many times before. Each time I went to act I didn’t go through with it. Each of those times felt different than this time. This time I wasn’t scared or even all that emotional, I was feeling sure, feeling confident. This time was real.
I looked down at the ground, and my hero gently grabbed me, leading me off the ledge to safety.
While I was looking down, I did something odd; I calculated the speed that my body would reach on impact, in my head. Doing that calculation took the mental resources away from my “I’m jumping brain” and diverted them to my “that’s neat brain.”
After the calculation, I noticed that I felt great. I had no past, no future, just the now. I was at peace. That felt good, of course, but it also felt new. I lingered with it up there.
And that’s when I decided that I could kill myself tomorrow. I had a few bucket list type things that I wanted to do. Naturally, if a person is a self-absorbed as I was, those items fall into the category of, “I’ll only do whatever I want, then kill myself.” There was some sex, drugs, rock and roll and good old violence.
Hardly anything to be proud of, that came later.
“I can kill myself tomorrow” turned into “I can kill myself next week,” then next month, then, finally I stopped the negotiation. Slowly life turned around and so did I.
Some of you … who am I kidding, all three of you, might be wondering, “cool story, bro, who saved you?”
Curiosity.
If I didn’t have enough curiosity to wonder about the impact, I am sure that I would have jumped. Curiosity saved me more times that I can count. After I didn’t need saving anymore, curiosity also gave me all the good things in life.
Curiosity is my hero, private guru, and friend. This blog is a tribute to my hero, curiosity.
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