Month: November 2016

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After jumping down 30 feet into a soft loam pile, sinking up to my thighs, crashing forward and smacking my face into the dirt, I learned that I don’t always make the best decisions. There were other clues, but that example still sticks in my mind, perhaps because I wasn’t able to move my spine afterward that made it stick.

Best decision that I ever made? Carpooling with Georgie Fear. I’ll save that story for later. For now follow me on a relevant bird walk.

I’m as close to omniscience as I will ever get. There is no 90 Days To Omniscience Blueprint that I am aware of as of this post. Until that plan comes available for three easy payments of $19.99 I am stuck with my very limited understanding of things, which is to say that I don’t know anything.

If one is not omniscient, how can they be sure that they know anything? It’s like knowing most of the equation but not all of it and thinking that we can know the answers.

Warning: That might drive you bonkers if you let it, let’s get back to the point.

So, what is left? Just one thing, my experience. That is all that exists for me. Object reality becomes irrelevant to me.

From that perspective, I explore. Whether I am logically correct or not doesn’t interest me, for even if you prove to me that there is an object reality and that I can know it I will still only experience it. So there.

Well then, my first curiosity will be decisions. For they are the very things that determine all of our experiences. Sure there is logical arguments for experiences that have nothing to do with our decisions, but I can’t control those. What I can control are my decisions, that’s it.

Stay tuned for an exploration of Decision Theory. I wish to explore both normative as well as descriptive decision theory. Descriptive to understand how we humans actually make decisions and normative is how to make the best decisions without all the facts. Basically how to make rational decisions.

The aim is to see if I can identify my very human, irrational, maybe moronic way of making decisions and learn to do better.

Of course, that needs no explanation. Better decisions are intrinsically valuable.

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A hero, my hero, saved my life.

It is surprising how easy it is to get to the top of a highrise. I was standing on the edge of the roof of the building in which I lived, ready, willing, and happy to jump.

I had planned my great escape many times before. Each time I went to act I didn’t go through with it. Each of those times felt different than this time. This time I wasn’t scared or even all that emotional, I was feeling sure, feeling confident. This time was real.

I looked down at the ground, and my hero gently grabbed me, leading me off the ledge to safety.

While I was looking down, I did something odd; I calculated the speed that my body would reach on impact, in my head. Doing that calculation took the mental resources away from my “I’m jumping brain” and diverted them to my “that’s neat brain.”

After the calculation, I noticed that I felt great. I had no past, no future, just the now. I was at peace. That felt good, of course, but it also felt new. I lingered with it up there.

And that’s when I decided that I could kill myself tomorrow. I had a few bucket list type things that I wanted to do. Naturally, if a person is a self-absorbed as I was, those items fall into the category of, “I’ll only do whatever I want, then kill myself.” There was some sex, drugs, rock and roll and good old violence.

Hardly anything to be proud of, that came later.

“I can kill myself tomorrow” turned into “I can kill myself next week,” then next month, then, finally I stopped the negotiation. Slowly life turned around and so did I.

Some of you … who am I kidding, all three of you, might be wondering, “cool story, bro, who saved you?”

Curiosity.

If I didn’t have enough curiosity to wonder about the impact, I am sure that I would have jumped. Curiosity saved me more times that I can count. After I didn’t need saving anymore, curiosity also gave me all the good things in life.

Curiosity is my hero, private guru, and friend. This blog is a tribute to my hero, curiosity.

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